Beore I start with any other updates, I wanted to post here something very significant to my life, which recently occurred. On July 20th, 2013, my mother passed away... It was a sudden heart attack. She didn't even make it to the hospital. She was visiting her boyfriend, just relaxing in his living room while he was outside doing yard work. Suddenly, he heard her calling for help, so he ran inside to see her clutching her chest and panting, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe..." She fell over and he rushed to her, calling an ambulance and trying to do CPR on her. The ambulance staff tried their best, but the hospital put her on life support while they contacted her nearest relatives-- my uncle John and his wife, and my cousin Amber. As soon as he received that phone call, Uncle John called me on my cell phone.
I was alone in my room at the time (about a 5 hour drive north of them). I was talking on Skype to one of my friends over seas, who was extremely religious, but very easy-going. Probably the best person I could have been talking to at such a moment.
It was midnight. My uncle John is the church-going sort who goes to bed at 9:00pm. So when saw his number on my screen at that hour... I knew something was wrong. I answered, and he said,
"Melissa... This is your uncle John. I need to tell you something... Its about your Mom..."
Then he proceeded to tell me what happened, and said,
"Right now she's at the hospital in the emergency room, on life support. They called and told us they need family members to come in and make a decision. So As soon as I get there, I will call you back, ok? And I need you to call your brothers and sisters right now. Let them know."
I said "ok" in kind of a distant voice, and hung up. I was shaking all over. Scared to death and in shock. I took my phone and ran into my Dad's house (I was staying in his guest room out back). I told him the news. He and Mom and been divorced for 20 years now, but he still kinda loved her.
Since I was so hysterical, in his attemtps to comfort me, Dad said,
"Well maybe they just need someone to make a decision about surgery or something. It doesn't always mean she's dying..."
So first I called my brothers and sisters, telling them what was going on. It was about 2:00am their time, so I did have to wake them. I told them I wasn't sure if it meant "make a decision" like surgery... Or something worse. But after I found out, I would call them back.
I remembered I still had my friend waiting for me on Skype, so I went back to my bedroom. I told him what happened too, and he stayed online with me because he didn't want me to feel alone.
Then I called the hospital. But they refused to tell me anything over the telephone, despite the fact that I was her daughter. They said I have to be there in person. But the nurse said my Aunt, Uncle and cousin were there now. So she told me call one of them and have them tell me. She added,
"But I will say its VERY serious."
I frantically started calling Amber and Uncle John's cell phones, but neither of them were answering.
So I sent them both text messages, asking what was going on, and to please get back to me as soon as they can.
A few minutes later, my cousin amber finally sent me a short, choppy message than turned my entire world upside-down,
"my battery is dying... she passed away, i am so sorry honey..."
I dropped my cell phone in front of me on my bed and just starred at the message in disbelief... Then I just totally LOST IT! I started freaking out, screaming, going nuts, hyperventilating...
About 5 minutes later, my aunt Diane called me. I think Uncle John was too beside himself to speak, as my Mom was his little sister... But aunt Diane did her best to comfort me for a while, and try to keep her own tears down. She was good friends with my mom. Grew up around her. In fact, my mom fixed her up with uncle John when they were teenagers.
When I hung up the phone, my friend on skype did his best to comfort me as well. After a few minutes, I finally caught my breath and I was able to talk halfway rationally... He told me I need to go in my Dad's house to tell him, and then call the rest of my family, as I shouldn't be alone right now. So I did exactly that....
Dad was in complete shock... He just sat there, unable to say anything. But the hardest thing was calling my brothers and sisters to tell them... I knew they were gonna freak out just as much as me.
I called my sister Mandi first. She is the oldest of us 4. She had the same reaction I did, and I stayed on with her for a while, until we both agreed she wanted to tell her husband and kids, and I needed to call our brothers...
But my brother Brad was the hardest. I had never really heard Brad cry before. Not beyond the age of 9, anyway. He was older than me, and I always looked up to him. But nobody can hold it together at a moment like this. As soon as I said,
"Mom... Didn't make it..."
He yelled,
"WHAT?!! She's f***ing dead?!!!"
Then he just fell apart, and instantly broke into tears. The sound of my brother crying like that.... It made me wish I were there with him. I wished ALL OF US were sitting together in the same room, where we could huddle close and comfort each other. Go through it together. We needed arms around us right now. Not a voice through a phone.
Needless to say, it was a HUGE, devastating and unexpected blow to me and my entire family. My mom was my best friend, and nobody was ready to lose her. She was the backbone of humor and character in our family. I mean it was like one minute she was here, and the next she was gone! Right after she died, I think the hardest thing was all the little stuff... Like going on facebook and seeing posts and game notifications/invites she had done only a day or so before... Looking through my phone and seeing calls and text messages from her from just the other day. Calling her house phone and hearing her voice on the answering machine. The fact that I could still call her cell phone and it would ring.
And then having to drive down 300 miles to my (and Mom's) home town for the funeral, and meet my brothers and sister who flew in from out of state. Having to go with them to Mom's apartment and go through her stuff to decide what to do with it all. Shopping for her urn, after we agreed on cremation.
And then other thoughts begin to set in. Thoughts like... I'm the youngest. I'm the only one who hasn't had children yet. Mom won't be there to hold my hand through the child births, like she did with my sister, and my brother's wives... She wont be there to make Christmas fun for them. My kids will never know "Crazy Grandma" like all her other grand kids did.
It was just UNREAL. All of it. Its been 4 months now, and while most of the time I'm alright... I have these moments when I am alone and thinking about her, or when I see a picture of her... Have a dream where she is alive.
At the funeral, there were sooooooo many people. We had it at the local church. Everyone came pretty much. I would say at least 100 people. And maybe a dozen of them got up to speak, including all my brothers and sisters. My friend Sandra and my 3rd brother from my Dad's side came down to the funeral with me, for support. I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't get up to speak, so I did as well.
At the hspital, they removed a ring from my Mom's hand. The "Mother's Ring" that me, my brothers and sister all pitched in to give her as a special mother's day gift a few years ago. She wore it every day, and it as her mos cherished possession.
It was gold ring with 5 stones set in it. An amethyst in the middle (Mom's birth stone). With us kids' birth stones set on either side of it, and our named engraved in the gold beside our stones.
My sister Mandi already had a ring exactly like it for herself and her 4 kids. So she and my brothers decided to let ME keep our Mom's ring. My sister handed it to me, and I put it on... It was an exact, perfect fit. I almost cried...
Then I thin the most intense part was when I got some of her ashes. Most of them were put int he urn to be stored in the family vault. But small portions of them were placed in a plastic bag and into a magnetic box which looks like a beautiful book on the outside with red and gold trim and a rose (mom LOVED roses, so of course Rose is my middle name). But I think the first time I held my "book box" with the ashes, I was dizzy and just couldn't believe it was her inside...
Losing someone so suddenly and too soon... Its not like losing someone who has been sick for a while, like with a terminal illness. At least in that case, you are preparing yourself, and you say the things you want to say. But when its sudden like this... It feels like there is just no closure. I know it will take time. But I still don't feel like it has really sunk in yet. Will it ever...?
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